Everyday, I grow a day older. I know, that is how it is supposed to work. But, I just wish it would cooperate and work how I would like once in a while. Okay, just screwing around. I know, I get old and then I am worm food, end of story.
If you had an opportunity to do something great with your life, would you? Seldom do we normal people actually get such an opportunity. We tend to plod along, doing our daily grind for the most part. We do not concern ourselves with anything more than required of us. And, at the end of the day we are satisfied with the result of our day. Or, are we?
Do you really enjoy your day? Do you like your work? Do you like your employer? Are you happy in your relationship? At the end of your day are you happy or angry, frustrated, or borderline homicidal? I tend to be passively depressed when I look back at my life. But, sometimes I think I would like to grab every asshole that has messed with me by the fucking collar and shake the shit out of them until I felt good about it. And, then there are days like today . . . That I simply do not give a damn.
My “do not give a damn” days appear to follow a pattern. They usually happen on “payday” or real close to payday. I suppose a little self-diagnostic is in order. I should at least try to figure out what makes me feel this way, shouldn’t I? I have a theory.
I believe that each payday when I look over what I have for pay verses what I have to pay, it pisses me off. I work my ass off to bring in pennies only to find myself having to pay out dollars. A lot of dollars. But, that alone is not my problem. You see, I have a household of five adults including myself and one teenager. Actually, six adults as the teen is eighteen this coming week. Anyway, I am the only one working for a living out of the six. I get to pay the bills and provide for them to sit on their lazy asses doing nothing all day.
To add insult to injury, they actually do nothing all day. They do not wash the dishes, do a laundry, clean or mow the yard, clean up after themselves, care for the pets, or anything else necessary for a decent home life.
So, every payday I look this situation over. I look at my bank account, my bills, my load, the help not received, and the calendar. Then in my mind, I crawl in a big friggin hole and pull something over it as a cover, and hide . . . telling myself that I simply do not give a damn.