Happy Birthday To Me . . .


Shit! Another Year Older! What is wrong with this picture. I will tell you what is wrong. I am getting old. Not just a little old, but a hell of a lot old. Why can’t we grow younger instead of older? Hell, youth is wasted on the young. And, here I am sitting at 58 frigging years old and now I know what I could have wasted my younger years on. I damn sure would not have wasted my life away on the things I did had I of known that I was ever going to grow old . . .

My advice to the young men: GET A VASECTOMY! Seriously, it can be reversed if you ever decide you want to have children but until then tie the fucker in a knot. The biggest fail a man can experience is unwanted/unplanned parenthood. The financial obligations alone can mess up your life for life. Don’t misunderstand, you will likely love your children planned or not. But, will you still love the bitch that you knocked up to get them? In America the divorce rate is probably around 80%. I don’t care if someone says it is closer to 50%, how many of your friends are divorced? Do your own math . . . 50% my ass. You wouldn’t take a bet on marriage if it was a horse racing at a local track, regardless the odds given. And, date whomever you want to. If you got a thing for a midget, a hooker, or whatever, get your freak on while you can. And, do not worry for anything left behind as one of your buddies has been trying to steal it from you anyway.

Now, you know all that sensible shit you had to settle for because it was what responsible men were supposed to do? Horse-shit! If you want a boat, plane, motorcycle, or anything else you want, go get it. Earn the money to buy anything you want, and buy it. The man that dies with the most toys wins . . . Just keep in mind, you can’t take it with you when you go.

Oh, bullshit! You know I don’t believe any of that crap. I am just bitching because I am going to be another year older tomorrow and would much rather be 25 years old again. Seriously, just let me have one more day as  a 25 year old. Then I do not care what happens. Either that or give me a case of that Viagra 4 hour hard on issue for a day or two. Regardless, I would party until it, or I fell down. 

There’s at least something to celebrate. In two more years I can start going senile and use it as an excuse for wearing a rain coat and flashing young chicks. Shit, I hate getting old . . .

7 thoughts on “Happy Birthday To Me . . .

  1. Well, you’re whining about stuff like a 2 year old that didn’t get his way. See, you still have some younger year traits in you. It’s not over yet. Enjoy your day. You’ve had a lot of days to ponder about what you would do for your 58th birthday. Make it a good one. Do something you would never have done before (legally/moraly of course). There has got to be something you’ve always wanted to do. Even if it is stupid, you’re old enough to get away with it and no one would give it a second thought.


  2. You just pushed me a little further in the direction of quitting my job and buying a motorcycle. See, you still have much to give at your age. You can enlighten the young.

    Happy birthday?


  3. I’m right behind you at 57, and I understand what you are talking about here! Except from a female side of things, of course. Have a happy birthday, anyway, even if you are getting up there in years. You are NOT old!


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